thepaintedman
Justin has been running websites since his first Geocities site in 1994, but only did he ever start covering anything of substance years later. After he stopped regularly running local concerts in Northern NJ and the greater Philly area, he knew he needed to step up his writing game if he expected to continue to get free music to listen to. He writes regularly here, a bit less regularly at Cinapse, on occasion at Cinepunx, and a few times a year on Rock On Philly. He previously wrote for several other sites, but he forgets some of them and others no longer exist. He likes music, film, the Philadelphia Eagles, talking about Criminal Justice, reading Intelligence Report, and his family... not in that order. His beautiful wife is far more talented than he is and his kids far more adorable... and crazy. He also likes to ramble... on... and... on... and...
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BHFF 2017: It Sure Ain’t The Newlywed Game – GAME OF DEATH (31 Days, Day 18)

Foreign directors Sébastien Landry and Laurence Morais-lagacé break into the American film scene with their new horror film, Game of Death. With a slew of “written by” and “adapted by” credits, the story seems to have been a true joint effort. Under the direction of Landry and Morais-lagacé, this story takes shape through the pair’s…

31 Days, Day 14: Friday Fight is a Day Late and a Buck Short with UNINVITED

Uninvited‘s trailer begins with a voiceover that says, “They say cats have nine lives, but you only have one!” this says pretty such everything you need to know about this wonderful, wonderful piece of cinematic trash. Wonderfully inept, the acting is some of the worst I’ve seen in ages. Gloriously awful, the effects are the…

Karabas Barabas Premiering New Track “50/50” in Anticipation of SEX WITH THE DEVIL (31 Days, Day 13)

It’s Friday the 13th and your friendly neighborhood Satanic rock outfit dropped 3 new tracks and opened pre-orders on their upcoming album Sex with the Devil. Their first album was mentioned on the site back in March and their new one kicks it up a notch. With Return of the Sexy Demon, they made known…

A Few Badass Monks Set Forth on a PILGRIMAGE

Despite an almost complete and total submersion into the world of horror and Halloween for the month of October, I do welcome the occasional break from guts and gore. This is what I expected when popping in the newly released Blu-ray of Pilgrimage. With a cast of action stars like Spiderman: Homecoming‘s Tom Holland, The…

PUFF 2017: RUIN ME – A Modern Slasher Commentary on Addiction, Trust, and Patriarchy (31 Days, Day 1)

In this review, we celebrate both the Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival and the kickoff of The Farsighted’s second annual 31 Days of Halloween. Like many others, we celebrate all month long, but rather than the standard “31 Days of Horror” we cover all types of Halloween goodness, from the goofy family fun of movies like…

PUFF 2017: Evil Clown Named Art Makes Pennywise Look Like Krusty in Aptly Named TERRIFIER

Terrfier is the festival’s second movie of opening night at the festival. It starts at 9:30. Get tickets to the film or a full pass at FilmFreeway! Tonight’s opening film, Imitation Girl, is a meditative and beautiful science fiction tome. After a brief reprise and ceremony, the night will continue with something just a bit…

Badass French Martial Artist Brahim Achabbakhe Catches Up with The Farsighted

This is Brahim Achabbakhe, badass action star in the making. Hopefully you caught him opposite friend of the site Ed Travis‘s big screen man crush Scott Adkins in Boyka, the latest installment of the Undisputed films. If not, the time is now, it’s over on Netflix… but since you’re here, join us for a quick…

Terror TWOsdays: AGFA and Film Detective Restorations of EFFECTS and VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST

[Editor’s Note: We have a new graphic header for the column. I hope you like it!] Effects (1980) Some crew members of a company shooting a horror film begin to suspect that the “killings” in the movie are real, and that they are actually making a “snuff” film. Director Dusty Nelson may have gotten his…

TOBE TUESDAY: Tobe Invades Our Imaginations with His 1986 Cannon Remake of the Classic INVADERS FROM MARS

As I sit here watching The Texas Chain Saw Massacre for the first time in my adult life (it’s possible I’ve never seen it 100% through and unedited, to be honest) and I have Eaten Alive queued up, I can’t help but think to myself, “Goddammit, John Carpenter better get to the doctor stat!” We’ve…

Thank God for Harry Guerro: Garagehouse Unearths Mickey Rooney’s Lost Slasher, THE INTRUDER

As a film, The Intruder wasn’t necessarily a favorite I’ve seen this year. In fact, it wasn’t even one I would rank anywhere close to my favorites. However, I am so thankful for it and for its release. Every moment I watched, I felt myself smiling, beaming with pride perhaps, for someone from my hometown…

Terror TWOsdays: Gritty Horror on a Modest Budget

[Editor’s Note: Terror TWOsdays is my latest column, just an excuse to talk about more horror films. Notably, I’ll be hitting up two independent, lesser known, and/or underappreciated horror and horror adjacent movies. And with that, I bring you two films to fear. Stay tuned for the official intro graphic in the coming weeks… but…

ONCE UPON A TIME IN VENICE, Someone Stole Bruce Willis’s Dog and There Was Hell to Pay

Private Dick, Steve Ford (Bruce Willis) is a payday to payday, making end meet investigator who enjoys the company of beautiful women, is tough as nails, and is a man of his word. His partner, the films’s narrator, is John (Thomas Middleditch), an awkward and young apprentice, who seems to often be more lucky than…